It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
