no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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