Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
