Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
