I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
