Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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