Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
