I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Two words: blizzard sex
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize