why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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