I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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