He uses pillows to masturbate.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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