i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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