he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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