Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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