That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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