so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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