He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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