My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
PANTIES FOUND
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
