If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
