Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Randomize
