How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
