Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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