Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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