and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
