i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
