in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
