yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
