I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Also, beer. Big fan.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
