I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
