I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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