Welp...herpes.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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