i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
