He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
