I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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