His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
