Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
