Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
