I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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