I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
