Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
