I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
