Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
