Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i think my tv is drunk
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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