I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
