yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
