My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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