So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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