She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
