she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
