i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
