Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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