I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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