Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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