Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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