if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
