and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
