was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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