Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
