i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
