She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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