I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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