I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
